*** Please be sure to read all of the exciting ACJ (A Clotted Journey) news down at the bottom. Also, be sure to subscribe to this website to be notified when I post as well as consider subscribing to my motivational newsletter! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for getting over 5,000 views on my site! Lets keep spreading the message!

I wisely started with a map.

J.R.R. Tolkien

Do you ever think about a time where all maps were just an interpretation by a single person? Without satellites and other advances in society, landmarks and an artistic guess gave way to remembering the past. Remembering past lands, past people, past culture ventured. I truly am inspired every time I have the opportunity to ponder how far we have come as a species. Knowledge only comes from remembering, and that includes the areas which we travel and inhabit. Similarly, the only way to acquire knowledge if a disease progresses or not, is by remembering where it had been at one time. Just like islands and pivots in the land while navigating the shore line, things on the human body don’t usually change quickly. When there is an abrupt change in the coastline or in the human body, it is usually from a catastrophe or abnormal process growing. Whether we humans like it or not, we all will most likely develop health problems throughout our life, whether that be for congenital reasons, environmental factors, or our bodies just making a spontaneous mistake. One thing that I know for sure, is there is defining intelligence given to a person when they monitor their body’s “normal” often, and recognize these sudden changes.

As I have eluded to in several of my previous posts, I had gotten my first skin biopsy back. It had looked originally, like spindle cell carcinoma or some other melanoma, but had came back negative and benign. This was a success in my bodies journey I thought, I had to think that. My body may be failing me in all sorts of ways except for this one, which was excellent in my mind. That being said, the dermatologist told me that he wanted to get my moles mapped. When he asked me if I would be “alright” with that, I very happily said “sure!”. Little did I know the exposure and anxiety I was about to go through. I went home from that dermatologist appointment feeling like I just won a gold medal at the Olympics, the only thing I thought I had to worry about now was my bone marrow and blood failing me.

I woke up the next day, actually ready to greet the day for the first time in a while. I remember vividly calling my friend Cassie and telling her all about my success at the dermatologist or executioner as I called them. Its surreal thinking about the times that you are momentarily happy in the middle of sadness/rough times cycles, I always wish those moments weren’t so fleeting. Happy moments always move to fast, and the times that the world is making you trudge through the thick of it last indefinitely (seems that way at least). This truth, is something that I wish I would have learned a lot earlier on in life, thinking about all of the time I would have treasured more. But! Hindsight is 20/20 right? I definitely want to write about that paradigm someday more. The walk to the appointment was extremely interesting, meeting several people that I knew. One conversation that turned my mood instantly that day was a conversation with a coworker that was explaining to me a situation of a young friend they knew of that passed away earlier that year from melanoma. Instant outlook buzz kill for sure, even though I kind of asked for it by explaining where I was going. He explained how healthy his friend had been, how he never showed symptoms of anything. All that had happened to him was one of his moles started changing. It made me ponder life that is for sure. Again I asked myself why I was so lucky? Why didn’t the world kill me when it was on a roll?

Maps are essential. Planning a journey without a map is like building a house without drawings.

Mark Jenkins

I arrived at my appointment, which was in one of the buildings next to the one I worked in, with a slightly less than happy attitude. I was expecting to be put into some type of machine that would scan my body and that would be that. Nope! I was escorted to what looked like a shooting studio and was instructed to remove all of my clothing. When I was all prepared, in my clotted, moled-up glory, I had two photographers with lenses the size of Mt. Everest shooting at two different angles of me. They had me raise my arms, lower my arms, move my legs in certain ways, anything you can imagine. All of this effort was going into getting the perfect shots of the moles on my body and where there locations were. At the time, I had never experienced a moment like this in my life. I didn’t enjoy it, I was very excited to get the pictures and to have them on my file but I make a ton of weirdo jokes when I am nervous and this was one of those moments. I remember asking which magazine I was going to be featured in and I instantly felt my own palm metaphorically hitting my head. Despite my goofiness, I got through this experience and now had a little bit more piece of mind knowing that at my next dermatologist appointment, they now would have a map of all of the spots that made Alex, me.

Begin to look at maps with the narcotic tingle of possibility.

Rolf Potts

To this very day and every day after these appointments my moles have always been something that I am extremely self-conscious about and something that constantly haunts me with the reminder that someday I could develop that silent killer that would take even the healthiest. I had my side aches to remind me that I could be dying on the inside, and I had my outside badges to show that I was a ticking time bomb. Something that I didn’t understand then, but wish I did, was that all of these things make Alex. My map is very exciting, despite me not enjoying the excitement at times. I wouldn’t be here to share with you all what happened to me if my shores were easy to navigate. The world is full of niches, and I found one to fill because of the events that have happened to me in life. I like the quote above because it is true that maps can have dangers lurking about every corner, but the thing that makes it exciting is it is full of possibilities in the territory that lies uncharted. We all have scars from memories of yesterday or even today, all that matters is we keep using the best information available to change the world for the better.

Scars and imprints on your map define the person that you will become in the future. Some people are better at showing those scars than others, but eventually it is good to talk about. It is those types of burdens that are better to be shared because we all cant fight every battle on our own. I know that giving up the control of hiding scars can be difficult, but ultimately it is worth it to better detach yourself from the pain they cause. I am a firm believer in treating people around you with kindness and respect no matter the turmoil that is going on inside, and rarely are people at that point in life. We all take things out on people around us when we are having bad days, but over time it is something we can work on and be better at. Honesty and truth with scars and hurt can propel you into making an even bigger difference in life. When you can detach and think things through with logic instead of emotion at appropriate times, life becomes more of a chess match than an uphill battle.

This is where I will leave you with this post, my mole-mapping. Something that after much reflecting has became extremely influential in my life. I hope it will be for you as well. Coming up next is my first blood check up with the hematologist that changed my life forever. Stay tuned and share! Peace, love, all the above!

Love, Alex (a clotted goof)

Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for all of your support!

Please consider helping A Clotted Journey keep moving forward!

I have loved writing on here so much that I can foresee myself doing this for a long time, I hope you will all continue to support me and help me spread my message! You can do this by first, subscribing below and to all of the social media accounts for brand new content right away. And then second, if you can, help the website in other ways! If you choose to donate to the page, I will donate a portion of the contribution (you tell me how much you’d like to be donated or I will just do 50%) to the American Society of Hematology and the remainder I will put towards helping the website. I have many plans coming up for aclottedjourney.com and I need your help to keep spreading my story and expanding the type of content I can bring to you. If you want to see if I need anything specific the link to my WISH LIST is here. Click HERE to make a difference!