Bad things are like waves. They’re going to happen to you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. They’re part of life, like waves are a part of the ocean. If you’re standing on the shoreline, you don’t know when the waves are coming. But they’ll come. You gotta make sure you get back to the surface after every wave. That’s all.

Lisa Scottoline

What do you do when something happens to you in life when you are at a point when you don’t think you can take any more? What do you do when you don’t have a choice of the wave about to hit you? This is unfortunately something that life loves to show all of us in its own time. I have no idea how the world chooses the people to put through pain and suffering, but I do know this… Every single damn person that is put through something and makes it through, has a perspective that can and should change the world. That perspective is the one that I am always wanting to learn more about. That perspective is the one that I want to question and compare it with mine. My story is about to hit one of these waves and I had no idea it was coming.

Here I am at this point in my journey within the middle of a crucial rebuilding phase, spending my breaths at the gym and my mind in writing and reading motivational ideas. This is one thing that almost no one knows about me in this world, I love to question every single motivational philosophy that I devour. I write question upon question and then I highlight the questions that make me think about the philosophy the most. This was my therapy, the gym and the questioning. I definitely had, at this time and still today, the thought that someday I was going to share my story with the world and when I was going to share it, I was going to have a unique philosophy. I wanted to be like all of the motivational gurus that I looked up to, but I wanted to be a flagship for those that are fighting battles no one sees.

One of the tricks in life that I have found out is having diversity in the people you learn from and forming your own thought process about the material. I thought I had the plan figured out at this point, I had a structure. And then, I went to my next blood appointment/checkup with the hematologist. He was flabbergasted once again with the anomaly that was my blood. Things started to look abnormal once again and my counts seemed to be going back to what they were when my spleen was in crisis. There was a very serious talk at this point to discuss what our next steps should be. My hematologist explained to me probably about a million times (exaggeration but I am quite the anxious person when my life is being discussed) that he has talked with numerous experts in the field even at different organizations, and no one knew what would give me the best prognosis. I made the final call at this point to stay off of chemotherapy pills and continue with the blood thinners until absolutely necessary. Still to this day I am unsure of if the right choice was made, we will see I am certain though. He would see me again in three months, I left the office feeling more nervous than ever.

It was one thing feeling like I had gotten the best of death and I was rebuilding. Depressed, but I was rebuilding. Now, my body seemed to be giving up again and I had no idea how to keep going. I had changed my life with my structure and dream of sharing an accomplishment story someday, and it was just that thought, that I needed to keep going in that moment. I wouldn’t be here today, had it not been for the building that I put myself through. I am here today because I wanted to share this with you.

Don’t lose faith in the good things, even when life is tough. The good things come in waves, along with the bad.

Julianne MacLean

I am blessed to have known what it feels like to be crashing towards my final landing zone in life without actually crashing yet, it gives me an idea of a wisdom that I didn’t have before and that I aspire to keep exploring. I had to make a choice when faced with an abnormal health problem in the beginning, luckily some good vibes were given to me in life the first time and I seemed to be alright(ish). This time when making that choice, it seemed to be getting easier to come to terms with the thought that I may not live forever, but I am going to make a difference with what I have. I had to make that choice to keep surviving and building on what I had been working on. These days were so very rough, thinking that I could be building a structure for my life that I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy possibly. Building a metaphorical house that you wouldn’t even be able to live in and enjoy. Its a very hard and dark topic to think about in your journey, not knowing the outcome of health problems, but it is a wave. Just like all of the other waves, make sure you come out breathing as many waves as you can.

I hope that you are enjoying something from reading about all that I have journeyed through, it is the honor of a lifetime to write these words down and to hopefully give you peace and hope that the good waves are coming too in your life. I cant wait to share with you what happened next in my life! Next we will explore more about my mental health journey and when I started to confront it. I really missed writing to you all, I hope that you will keep reading and sharing this story with your friends and family that you think would benefit from reading it.

Peace, love, and all the above!

Love, your clotted Alex

Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart for all of your support!

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