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That day after Megan had left my house I remember rushing inside the house to tell my roommate how outstanding she was. This girl had it all and I hoped that we would see each other again very soon. The thing is, I didn’t know exactly how to approach this step. We had talked about a ton while she was here, even about seeing each other again. We had joked that we would have to go camping sometime because it was a passion for both of us. But we wouldn’t do that as a second date, so I was confused and scared.
Funny thing though about the dating world of then (and now), usually if you seem too eager about something you will chase the person away. I decided to be excited and giddy in front of my friends, and cool and collected to her. If you ever ask Megan about this portion of our relationship, I am positively sure that she would say otherwise though. I waited that afternoon and into the evening and finally received a text from her, I wasn’t going to text first. We chatted throughout the night and the next day. Interestingly enough too, now knowing her much better, we texted a lot and that was very much so not how she was. It isn’t characteristically what Megan enjoys doing (texting a lot) so I know that she must have been smitten for me at this point, but back then I was so afraid. She texted with me to my hearts content and I was happy she showed true interest in talking to me.
Somehow throughout all of our conversations, all over text because at the time I worked nights, we thought we would go camping the following weekend. WAIT WHAT?! I couldn’t believe that we were actually going camping. We were both nervous but excited! Excited to spend all of that time together and figure out each other and what made us tick. We met the night before we left, I took off early from work, so that we could make arrangements with who was bringing what along with on our first journey. Megan calmed my nerves about traveling for the first time with Mowgli, and I made sure that I bought a big enough cooler to carry our food for a weekend trip. That was pretty much the extent of our planning though that night, because we ended up sitting outside on her porch and just talking late into the night, neglecting most of our planning. All in all, it was an excellent time and it definitely calmed our nerves for spending the weekend with someone we had only hung out with twice.
Let’s discuss that fact. Looking back at this plan now, I fully understand why our families/friends were a bit concerned when we both informed them that we were going four hours away camping with a person none of them had ever heard of before. Back then though, Megan and I were just excited to go on an adventure. Im happy that we didn’t let that scariness stop us from going camping near South Dakota, things could be very different now if we hadn’t, who knows.
“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’ t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”
Brené Brown
I got home that night and was struck with a lightning bolt of a thought. As excited as I was, I was also torn apart inside because of anxiety. I was, for probably no reason, so very afraid that she would see me taking my blood thinner or my antidepressant and be scared away. I had finally gotten this girl to give me a chance and now she may see the one weakness that was plaguing me. The one piece missing to my armor. I had gotten to the point with my health as you’ve probably read in my story, that I knew I had to be strong and not be a changed person because of having a blood clot or being on medication, but this point in the journey was a true test. I got into Megans Jeep the following day not knowing what to think. I hoped that she was the person who would be my rock and not the person who would throw rocks at me. Not that many had thrown metaphorical rocks, but my mind was racing all sorts of thoughts in these moments.
I got into that Jeep and saw my entire life flash before my eyes, and no not because of Megans driving. My entire life was experience up to this point, and I was nervous to let a girl into my life again. Nervous or not, I went into the weekend not trying to be defined by the clot that almost killed me. I went into that weekend feeling just like a young twenty-something who just really liked this girl. I thought, “we will see if it comes up in conversation” and tried to just leave it at that in my mind. And now, I will leave you at this point in our story until next time. I will leave you at me sitting in Megans car, jamming out to her favorite Taylor Swift, thinking about how my vulnerabilities could chase this girl away.
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